Who is...Squidooman?
Evil Served by the Tentacle of JUSTICE!
On a cold, dreary day in September, a mild-mannered citizen was caught in a freak accident, bombarded with the radioactive powers of Squidoo. Unsure of the nature of his transformation, he began a quest; to understand the maelstrom tearing at his soul, to condition and refine his Squidoo "muscles", and to join with Squidoo Community, finding a place with others of his kind.
Awakened to destiny, that man is Squidooman!
Or will be. Someday. Ok, well, maybe that citizen is just learning how to become Squidooman, how about that? (I'm pretty sure I have powers, though.)
Disclaimer: This lens is a comedy journal for learning purposes.
Ancestors, protect me!
If you are reading this lens, you have, obviously, learned of my secret identity. Please guard it at all cost.
My Origin
The Uncanny Beginning of Squidooman.
On September of 2010, I was introduced to the Squidoo experience; each day, for about 10 days, I created a separate lens (ending up with 9 total (Yes, I can add.)) based on articles I had written (and never tried to sell) and hobbies of my own general interest. With those 9 lenses, I began to understand more and more about Squidoo, branching out, working with affiliates, and otherwise applying techniques as I learned them.
By no means have I mastered the lensmaking process, yet I have gained insight from the perspective of a writer with a background in psychology. Since my first endeavors, I have been researching and studying the masters, the Giant Squids (whom I reverently bow to for guidance), and forums of SquidU. My quest? To rise to my full Squidoo POWAH!, productively join the lensmaster community, and effectively use it to its highest potential.
And therefore, let this lens stand not only as a testimony or journal of my processes, but as a tableau of friendly advice that I gratefully put down for anyone who might find it useful. The goal of this lens, or article is simple: growth in the spirit that is Squidoo!.
The Lensmasters of Justice - (or the Disciples of the Dark Lens)
Squidooman cannot fight for justice by himself, he needs to unite with the other brave Heroes of Squidoo. If you're a hero, or even a dastardly villian, let Squidooman know and he will link to your Hero/Villain lens.
Squidooman also plans on including many of these super-powered lensmasters in his adventures from time to time.
Where do you stand with the Lensmasters?
Squidooman needs your help! If you are a citizen and have clues or know of any vile villainry lurking about, please tell him immediately.
Archived Updates
These were the original updates to
"Who is...Squidooman?"
from 2011.
Squidooman Arrives! Introduction Update 20110115 - When We Last Left Our Hero...
...A burning restlessness filled his soul, as his Squidoo powers flared for action.
Struggling to find hope amidst this desperate chaos, Squidooman begins searching for a way to control his powers. Inadvertently, he begins going back through his previous lens creations and starts to make a list:
- Do they have backlinks, or links to them from other sites?
- Do they have tags so people can find them on the internet?
- Are they optimized with a Table of Contents in the Introduction Module?
This is Squidooman's mission: Make That Checklist! The rage....increasing. Powers...growing Arrrgh!
Prepare For Battle, Squidooman!
....stay tuned for another exciting update to Squidooman!
Squidlog: January Update 20110131 - The Power of the Lens
My fingers trembled, violently disturbed, as I searched for the answer to my pain. But then, as quickly as the throbbing forces emanated from my very being, something...suddenly snapped into place.
"Call forth the lenses", it said, reverberating through my Squidoo-enhanced senses.
And then it happened; my incredible powers responded, knowing what to do. My energies focused outward, my hands began their creations, forming images and words from thought. Within days, my soul was quelled; I had created those ancient relics known to all lensmasters, the lens, with my own unique personal signature:
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Calming, my powers began to subside, contained in the furious battle, the waging of wars, that is my burden to bear. Who knows when they will reignite? Until then...
Prepare For Battle, Squidooman!
....stay tuned for another exciting update to Squidooman!
Squidlog: February Update 20110214 - Lensmasters of Light and Dark
Choose Your Fate! Fellow Lensmasters. The time has come as we embark upon this new chapter in our heroic endeavors. Upon which side will you stand? We cannot wait much longer!
Will you emerge with the true power of Squidoo and become one with the Lens or will you stir restlessly, a chaotic force in the great upheaval of Lenses, taking control and mastery over all you observe? I stand vigilant, ready to call upon you as friend or foe, Hero or Villain! (See below for details).
And so the ever-creeping, self-sustaining power of Squidoo courses through my veins, continually whispering deep in my slumber, exacting my destiny. I could not resist, breaking forth with sheer force, I created:
Hypnotic Anchors, The Power to Control Behaviors.
Eye Accessing Cues, The Ability to Read Body Language and More.
Unique Squidoo Tips, Techniques and Tricks for 2011 to Enhance Lensmaking Potential.
As well, other lenses are standing by, carefully formed and waiting; these, I think, will awaken for another day.
A note, my fellow citizens! We all share in this responsibility; I cannot contain all this power...cannot Contain all that is Squidoo...to myself!
Take this! The Power to earn 100 Squidoo Points in 5 Minutes! (Created by J9a2m6e8s5B)
For now I must leave you. Forces of evil surround me. Until then...
Prepare For Battle, Squidooman!
....stay tuned for another exciting update to Squidooman!
Squidlog: March Update 20110314 - The Divisive Dance...For Justice!
What uncontrollable feeling of jubilation washes over me?
MY FEET! They cannot stop these pulsating throes of magnificent rhythm. This must be the cacophonous power that is Squidoo!
Am I not Squidooman, the Tentacle of Justice? Do I not create with the unbridled fury of the lens for the glory of Giant Squidom? Or do I work in esoteric mystery, making new lenses under the guise of my secret identity?
I understand now. Squidoo-powers...emerging once again! It's the Squidooman Dance!
I MUST ACT!:
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But wait! This poses a dilemma; how can I dutifully work within these spontaneous emissions of emanation??? These dastardly distractions of deviancy? Squidooman must separate his lenses from his mild-mannered alter-ego!
I must certify those lenses, separate my work from my Secret Identity; without such profound protection, my arch-foes would have me at a sour disposal. It is time to call forth The Squidooman Certification!
I now I rest; the burnished brand of Squidooman, now coursing among my lenses, had quelled me, gently wrestling my divided spirit. All of the Squidoo will know where I have fought!
But something more...something...deliberate, awoke as I scanned the Squidoo Kingdom. The cry of the Squidooman power was far from over. I must delve deeper, fashion the relics that call me forth in times of need. I must call on the spirit of Zazzle, and bind it to my Squidoo senses. IT's TIME, MY LENS-BROTHERS and SISTERS! ZAZZLE is NEAR!"
Even now, a dark miasma, a ghastly pall fills the air. I must go! Until then...
Prepare For Battle, Squidooman!
....stay tuned for another exciting update to Squidooman!
Squidlog: May Update 20110516 - Enter: The Black Caption!
A thrum of dis-concordant energies resounded about me; chaotic powers sporadically echoed throughout the lens. My aura immediately reacted, flaring as it deflected some invisible, harbinger force. Dwelling deep within the Squidoo-lair, something evil emerged, attacking the very foundations I have sworn to defend.
As the air drew thick and heavy, a bellowing bass boomed:
"I am The Black Caption! You've learned to avoid simple blows, little fish!!"
And then the most terrible, horrendous thing occurred; gazing with fiery fury, I watched this foul-hearted foe take the innocent, pure strength of my lens and create a malicious, mal-formed copy. It writhed and gibbered, slobbered like a dead thing, beckoning all to its call while repulsing any who answered.
Powers...weakening! Shtrength...ebbing! What...is...happoneng too mee?
Oh no! Has our glorious Cephalopoid Avenger fallen to this befuddling bad guy? Has Squidooman been taken down by this newest, misspelling menace known as The Black Caption? What now?!?! Stay tuned and find out! Until then:
Prepare For Battle, Squidooman!
....stay tuned for another exciting update to Squidooman!
Power of The Black Caption - Who is this arch-nemesis of Squidooman?
Who is this mysterious fiend, corrupting Squidoo?
Very well, you've picked my generosity. After all, what true villain can escape the need to monologue every once in a while? But enough! You've inquired about my astounding feats of evil (I'm sure you were going to ask!):
Misspelling: Ahh, a subtle thing, to turn words of benevolence and meaning into corrupt letters of worthlessness! This is the easiest of my abilities, to change a couple vowels or consonants, inflicting horrible disrepair on your lens.
Aura of Confusion: Yes, that's right! I have my own evil aura, just like you weak lensmasters, except mine corrupts the meaning of your lenses! It starts slowly, building upon simple misspellings and phrases; before you know it, you are helpless and your lens is drained of power.
The "Black Caption" Blaster: And finally, behold my special invention: a ingenious weapon that alters your hypertext link, thoroughly corrupting your lens beyond repair. You're only recourse? Start over: Hahahahaa!
(Think the Black Caption is joking? Observe his terrible powers at Captian America vs. Wolverine! (This is now a dead link) Can you find the horrible effects of his passing?)
Squidlog: June Update 20110614 - Trapped! By the villainous Black Caption!
E-NOUGH!
Hoodwinked, I awakened from my sabbatical slumber, only to see my tools - my technical tricks of the trade - in disarray! Black Caption had sabotaged me...left me stranded, unguarded, many leagues below the sea. Slowly, he had eaten, corroded my lenses, while I wasted away in the deep waters.
But I am not without powers of my own! Even as this diabolical fiend attempts to taint every one of my creations, his evil, villainous scheme will be the root of his own undoing! Even now, I toil in the heart of my Squidoo-lair, forming a project which will shake the very foundations of the lensforce!
I will be free!
Focus, Squidooman! Focus. This will be my greatest project ever! And then, not even the Black Caption will be able to stop the all-pervading reach of justice...
Can our submerged superhero rise from the ashes or will he be defeated? Squidooman has only one chance; time to think outside the box! Stay tuned to see if the walls come tumbling down! Until then:
Prepare For Battle, Squidooman!
....stay tuned for another exciting update to Squidooman!
Squidlog: July Update 20110711 - Squidooman Powers...ACTIVATE!
Hounded by horrific hoodlums, thwarted by tyrannical thieves, I, Squidooman...have EVOLVED!
Feverishly pitched, tirelessly engaged in the throes of frantic fury, the next phase of my evolution has begun. Unbeknownst to those dastardly lens-villains, I have created The Superheroes List, a sanctum of superhero peace and refuge.
Here is what Squidooman has learned:
1. Unless I focus my lenses, I will be forever chaotic and disassembled.
2. My lens powers must narrowly hone in on my favorite topic.
3. That special topic (in my case, Superheroes) must, in turn, point back to Squidoo lenses.
And that, my friends, is how I have increased my energies. I have reached the next step in my unstoppable quest!
Note: Yes, that's right, Squidooman readers, what I've learned in the last 7 months is that my niche is becoming superhero-oriented and that a blog-website, specifically geared towards heroes, villains, countdown lists, and comic books events will create the kind of reader-base I'm looking for. The Superheroes List has been up and running for awhile, but now it's becoming the "nerve center" of my operations. My main stories, countdown lists, etc., will be created here on Squidoo, with a central newspaper-like storybase from there.
Spirits of the Ancestors! Squidooman has evolved! (No, I am not a Pokemon!) What incredible plots will our hero next face?
Prepare For Battle, Squidooman!
....stay tuned for another exciting update to Squidooman!
Squidlog: August Update 20110815 - The Ripple Within The Lens
Urrgh! Do you sense it, my brothers and sisters? Something disturbs the fabric of the lens.
Over the past few weeks, I have detected a temporal anomaly; it has caused many of my downloads and updates within Squidoo to stall or time out. But do not fear; Squidoo is strong. (I'm currently recalibrating my geode pulse equilibrium stabilizers as we speak.) We must stick together in this. Scanning some of the electromagnetic frequencies has told me that the higher powers of Squidoo are in the midst of server updates.
Can you handle this minor shake up in the landscape? If not, call out; Squidooman is ready to help. (All I have a screwdriver, though.)
Oh! Before I forget Next month is my State of the Lens Address. I'll give a brief update and interview so you can find out what's coming up.
Squidooman is working through this server update. Are you? Now all our powers will increase!...Growing...bigger!
Prepare For Battle, Squidooman!
....stay tuned for another exciting update!
